Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Trendy Tuesday // This is Me

I finally got my first maxi dress!! Yes, I know, I'm late to the game but ykno..budgets. 

Just want to note - this does get a bit more personal than most of my posts. You've been warned.
When I started my business, I bought some much-needed clothes. I gained a lot of weight this year and none of my pants fit me anymore. I knew winter would be coming soon so my two pairs of fitting shorts weren't going to cut it anymore. I decided maxi dresses would be my best option. Besides the fact that I rather hate jeans anyways, haha, I figured they'd be the safest choice for winter and weight. Plus - FINALLY! haha

Since I was ordering from an overseas buyer, they stated it was recommended to go up a size. I checked the measurements and it seemed that the Large was the most accurate. Even if the sizes were on the small side - it was still the final blow to my weight gain. As far as BMI goes, I'm still at an appropriate weight, but just barely. If I gain any more I'll have an "overweight" BMI. I'm just going to be honest - I'm not handling it terribly well. The mirror has become my enemy. 

I'm not really sure going the maxi dress route was the best as far as emotions go. While it may be good to add some layers for any short periods I may be out during the winter, I didn't really take into consideration the shape. I don't think I've ever looked so frumpy. The shape is so straight and the material does make me even more bulgy. Probably should have found a more form fitting option. Especially since I am pretty sensitive when it comes to my figure. 

With the weight gain, I have developed a small bit more curves around the hip/rear area. Which I always thought I wanted, but since I'm still flat as a door in the chest, it looks insanely disproportionate. Obviously I'm not gonna show that off, but trust me, it looks weird. And I always feel unwomanly because of my figure. 

I know most of it is lifestyle. I finally got on EBT so even though it isn't much, still hopefully it will help me be able to purchase more healthier foods. We've pretty much been living off $1 foods - dollar menu, spaghetti, mac & cheese, tv dinners...We only got approved for a little over $100 so I really can't imagine to what extent I'll really be able to get healthier options. But at least now I can try.

Being active is also tough. I work at home. I have no vehicle. It's too cold to go walking/running. I'll start doing great at yoga or stationary bike, but I'll get sick, and stay sick, and it's really hard to want to exercise when you just know if you bend over for downface dog you're gonna puke all over the floor or something equally unwanted. I'm so weak and sickly. I try pushing through it but never get more than a few positions before I'm worn.

I just want to be healthy and feel beautiful. And let's not even get started on aging. Never thought by 22 I'd start having facial lines and freaking out over wrinkles and using anti-aging products.

It's just been a terrible year for me physically. I wish I could be those women that don't care, but I do. And I don't think I'm alone. For many years I was nearly starving myself. Not so bad that I'd say I had an eating disorder, because it was never so severe. But I wasn't eating hardly at all, once a day if that. I finally started eating at least 2 meals a day and even when I was mostly eating healthy, that's when all the gain started. So I've been tempted to return to that lifestyle, but quite frankly I get too hungry now and my blood sugar drops so bad or I get dehydrated, etc. 
Honestly I think if I could just manage to stop being sickly long enough to form a real active lifestyle, so I could get in shape, then I'd feel better. Feeling gross and miserable all the time sucks. But for now, that's my reality. I just hope I can find a way through this, so I can be healthy and fit and finally feel beautiful.

On a side note - I adore lip tars! This is Anime from OCC. I've worn it before but I think I tried adding gloss over it (I do still wish it was glossier cause shine is everything haha) but it lasted so long and I didn't feel so worried about getting it all over my teeth. I have the worst paranoia when it comes to lip products. haha

I know I always love it when I see other bloggers be open and get personal, so I hope this is one of those cases. Though I don't hardly ever get a positive response when I open up but hey.... I don't want to be any one but myself or pretend.

This is me.

I do apologize if it was too much of a bummer. Not really my intention. If anything, I'd love advice! Good healthy food options on a budget. Ways to stay active even when not terribly energized. How the heck to style maxi dresses in winter??? I'm thinking flip flops or snow boots aren't good options. haha And what about for covering up the shoulders. Dressy cardigans?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Hope you have a fabulous day and that this didn't bum you out. haha :)

- Toria

Sunday, October 26, 2014

From Paris, With Love

Here is the artwork the 1st place winner from my Blogiversary won! She had requested something to fit with her Paris/Love themed bathroom, and said it was in red/black color scheme. I adore France; I took 4 years of French class in school, and was the youngest student my french teacher had ever had be inducted into the National French Honors Society. :) So I knew I would have fun with this one!

I knew I wanted to stray away from using the Eiffel Tower. Aside from being a bit cliche, I really just didn't want to draw all those straight lines. Me and rulers do not mix. I much prefer curved lines. haha 

So I did some inspiration searching and quickly knew I had to do a postcard-inspired artwork!

I chose something that was more fashion-oriented with touches of things I felt gave a good nod to what may be associated with Parisian visuals - poodle, black/white stripes, very stylish, etc. I added in an Eiffel Tower in the stamp in a more abstract way - I figured it was a good way to include it without being too much for me.

This was my first time doing an artwork in this style and I adored it! It was really tricky for me as I usually tend towards fairly realistic styles. The poodle was fun but my favorite part was the legs/boots! So sexy! haha

I'm really happy with how it turned out, though I think I'd prefer it without the border (even though that is a big indication that it's intention was a postcard). See for yourself - 

Maybe it would work with a really extravagant detailed frame? I dunno. What do you think?

Well, I just hope the winner liked it!

So, what places are you most fascinated with? (been to or otherwise) 
For me I'd say France and Japan!

I hope you have a wonderful day!!

- Toria
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